The Final Farewell

   Well here we are at the final farewell to this blog. It was fun, it really way but I am a different person then I was and I need to start anew. So, I began a new blog and here is the link.

http://kountrybear.blogspot.com/

  In the end I'm still me, but I have out grown this blog. And lets be honest,  I never posted here enough anyway. I have learned a lot about blogging in the last six months. I hope to become a better blogger amongst other things. Anywho, if anyone ready my posts and wants to follow me over feel free to. I would love to have you.

Fare the Well, and Happy Holidays

Well, I know that I sorely lack readers for this blog so I doubt that anyone has been missing my sporadic posts. However this will probably be my last post on this blog. I am moving to a different blog because it just irks me to have multiple emails to remember. I never use the one linked to this except for this so I miss any reply emails I receive. I decided since we are starting the new year that I would make this one of the changes for that, so I will be starting up and new blog and linking it to my Facebook. If there is anyone who reads this and would like to follow me over I will post the new URL here sometime in the next few days. On a lighter note I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas, Yule, Hanukkah, whatever anyone else is celebrating and a Happy New Year.

Here we go...

    Well, October was definitely an uphill battle for my sanity. I spent think I honestly spent most of it in bed. Between my grandmother dieing and having to deal with my family October wasn't as fun as it usually is for me. Hopefully next year will be better. And here comes the holiday whirlwind that captures us from Halloween through Twelfth Night (Oct. 31th- Jan. 6th). I'm looking forward to the holidays this year more so than usual. This year has been a rather hard year and I (along with the rest of my family) wish for this holiday season to be filled with happiness and abundance. We also have a new little one to celebrate the coming season with and its going to be a joy to celebrate Ella's first Christmas. I must remember to have plenty of batteries for my camera. My family has some great plans for this holiday season if everything goes according to plan. We are thinking about getting a large loan for the holidays so that money won't be a problem and paying the whole thing off when income taxes come in. Which I think would work out quite nicely. We have a lot of stuff we need to get for the holidays and lets not forget the toys for the kids. We want them to have the best Christmas we can give them. I know that we could all breathe a little easier knowing that we won't have to choose between the holidays and gas money.

  

Death and Insanity

     Its been a while since I last wrote. I have been quite busy with the holidays coming up and I will only be getting more so as the time passes. Also my Grandmother died this week so I have a lot on my mind and will be spending time with my family going through my Grandmothers possessions. That's if my family can quit trying to stab each other in the back long enough to get through this. Its just turning out to be one big headache after another. It took my family nearly three days to figure out what we were going to do about the arrangements for my Grandmothers funeral. Amazingly we are going to wait a week until the funeral. I honestly didn't think Grandma would stay fresh that long. They are probably going to have her cremated. That's okay with me, but waiting a week seams a bit drawn out. I just want to get all this over with. Its bad enough that I am upset about losing my Grandmother without having to deal with the insanity that is my family. I just hope they can all behave during the funeral.

Its that time of year again

     You know fall is in the air when you wake up and only want to cuddle with your blankets or snuggle up with a warm cup of coffee. Today was one of those days and I missed most of it because I didn't want to leave my snuggly bed. And believe me it was extra snuggly. I have got to start getting up and enjoying this wonderful weather while it is still here. It will be other all to quickly as all good things are in this area. I hate living in the south and can't wait to get up north. Ah, to live up north where the air is cold most of the year. It sounds like a dream come true.
     However this is a dream that is going to take quite sometime. Daniel is going to have to find a better career, as am I. We are also going to have to get a reliable car and save up some money for the move. I hope that my land will sale and we will be able to get on our feet from that...eventually. In the mean time our roomies have gotten a wonderful vehicle and are willing to help us in getting better jobs. Lets just hope that I can find a job at all. Either way things are going to get better and I am going to make a point to enjoy all of this that I can.
     I have also been planning on working on several of the crafts that I have started. I have to work on my crocheting and the coven Wheel of the Year quilt, the restoration of my mothers jewelry box, and my grandmothers lap quilt. Not to mention the fact that I have been wanting to make a nice harvesty quilt for my bed. I also need to finish my altar and my closet. Tomorrow I am going to get the parts for my closet so it will be done soon. I just need to buckle down and do what I need to do. Its the perfect time of year for me to get these things done.
      Also tomorrow is Mabon and we are planning on celebrating but it will be late. Its always late when we celebrate, but Happy Mabon Everyone! I know we all love this time of year. Its nice all day and the nights are cool. Its the perfect time for soups, stews, and other fall dishes. And of course we are in the middle of the harvest season so apples and the like are on sale and needed for so many wonderful concoctions. Halloween and Samhain are also not far off. It always makes me excited to know that where ever I look I will see my favorite things everywhere.

Somethings got to give

     So things have been rather uneventful lately. I'm not working as Ella's Nanny anymore so I am now officially looking for a job, and its a lot harder than it sounds. Apparently no where in my area is hiring right now, but hopefully they will be soon since the holidays are coming. I really need to find a job especially since we are having money problems. It doesn't help that my brother screwed us on his portion of the phone bill or that our car has become the rolling money pit. In the end things have to get better.
     My roomies checks from the rest of their college loans are suppose to come in this week so I know we will be ok. I should have some money here soon to pay for my loan, which is late and probably going to be another month behind. I admit now that I shouldn't have spent any of my loan money, but I didn't expect there to be such a long break in my pay. I know that it couldn't be helped. Wendi, Ella's Mother, ran into some money problems because they have been cutting her hours at work and she desperately needs those hours to pay her bills.
    I know how she feels, my Daniel isn't doing so well either. He lost a day at work earlier this month and it hurt his pay badly. Unfortunately he also lost four hours last Friday because we had to take Grandma to chemo. And that is going to be on his next check. Maybe things will get better and one of the other jobs he applied for will call him. Something has got to give. Either I need to find work or he needs to find something better. I can only pray that things improve her soon, before the holidays.

Happy 'Erin' Day!

    Well today has been a rather good day, it is a football Saturday and also my friend Erin's Birthday. Happy Birthday Erin! You know I had to give her a shout out. I hope she has a wonderful birthday and enjoys what we were able to get her cause I spent 4 hours at Walmart with my sister going over birthday stuff. Unfortunately this happens to be a penny pinching year so we weren't able to get her much. Hell I was only able to get her a cheap garbage can, but it was something she needed and I was pretty much broke. I do wish we could have gotten her more this year, but hey Yule is coming and there is always next year.
    Anywho, I have been going thru the blogs I am following, which is turning out to be a new daily activity. And I have been working on my Goddess Rosary or Prayer Beads, which ever you want to call them. I finally decided on my colors and found one of the prayers I want to use with them. I really need to sit down and work on the rest of the prayers so that I can do a post on them when I am done. I have to do another shout out to Lady Caer Morganna at http://thewiccalife.blogspot.com/. Everyone should definitely check out her blog its fantastic. Well I got to run and get my sissy from work. I hope everyone has an awesome day and Happy fall to everyone.

Plot Bunnies

   Well I did it, I finally wrote and published my first fanfiction. It was only going to be a oneshot, but it has evolved into a multi-chapter fic. I never thought that I would be an author in any fashion and it kind of amazes me that people actually enjoy my writting. I couldn't help it though, the plot Bunnies attacked me and carried me off. They refused to leave me be until I put all of it down on paper. So at the moment I am free from the plot bunnies but there are more coming. Its like I have opened a flood gate and its all coming through.
   I currently have another one in the works that I am going to have to take notes on before the bunnies run off. I hope it ends up being interesting and enjoyable. This one is definitely going to be a multi chapter affair and I have no idea on the rating either. I may even work on my poetry again and some fiction pieces. It all depends on how my muse attacks and what I have going on at the time. I also have several projects around the house that I am working on. I am painting a few boxes and still working on my room and altar. Lets not forget about the prayerbeads that I have been working toward making as well. I also need to purchase fabric for Halloween costumes and other projects. Oh and I really want to get a wood burner and finish my wand too. There are so many ideas and plot bunnies playing in my head that I just don't know what to do first.

Blue Moon and more

   Well, Happy Blue Moon to everyone. I am so excited about the blue moon that I believe I will spend a part of my night reveling in it. That is if the clouds clear and I can get out in the moon light.  I have also been spending a good bit of my time studying and going thru my books as of late. I have been doing quite a bit of research on devotions and the like. I have also been working on my ritual items and tools. And I am in the middle of sewing my altar cloth. I am so happy that I have finally been able to get around to all this and I am enjoying it greatly. I have even come across some music that is going to be lovely for rituals and meditation. I just have to tweak it a bit or rather get help to tweak it.
   It has been quite a few days since my last post and I have begun working full time as a Nanny again. I love the job and its fun to do. I also still have plenty of time to do my research while working since my charge is only about 4 months old. She is precious too. I will have to upload some pics of my Ella Bella. Anyway all is well and I have been much happier since all this started and I got back on the right path. Yay for me, finally things are going in the right direction again. It also doesn't hurt that its officially fall and my favorite time of the year.

Busy like the Bee...

  I have been rather busy as of late. I have become the nanny for my roommate Wendi's daughter Ella. I have also been trying to finish fixing my bedroom and setting up my altar. Which is honestly harder than it sounds considering I have to finish building the closet and so many other things. Caring for Ella is honestly the easiest part of my day, at least when she is feeling well. She is currently teething and has also figured out how to pseudo-crawl. So I spend my time trying to keep her from getting hurt or getting carpet burn.
  I have also begun sewing and beading again. This is a fun pastime that I enjoy with my adopted sister Barbara. She however will always be much better than me at both of these things. I'm doing well though and I'm enjoying myself. I can also do these things while caring for Ella. I am currently in the middle of stitching what will be my altar cloth. I also have several craft oriented jewelry and beading ideas that I am soon going to try out. Not to mention the wind chime I have been wanting to make and the other crafts I have started but lacked the money to finish. I am so excited about getting paid. Now I am finally going to be able to finish so many things. Not to mention helping Daniel pay for somethings.

Surprise, Surprise....

    You know it never fails to surprise me at how many problems I come across daily, or how little things can get so easily in my way. Last night when I went to erect my altar I ran into a few problems. One, I have no idea where to put it. You see my room is rather crowded with my (and my husbands) stuff. Two, my room floods when it rains and the water table in high enough. I currently live in the basement of my friends house. Its not so bad considering I have learned to not leave anything important near the floor or flooding areas. But alas where should I put my altar. I want it where I will have easy access to it and my husband won't accidentally mess with it.
    I have a few ideas of where I could put in but a few of them would require me to rearrange my room. I sure my loving husband would be against that though. I have made him help me rearrange it a few times already. And one of the places will be out of the question once I get the stuff to build the closet we desperately need. In the end I believe I will put my altar where I originally wanted it, under the stairway. I just need to move a few things and set it up where it won't be bothered. There is enough room that I can have my candles under there and if I hang mirrors on the underside of the stairway it will reflect the light. I can even hang pictures and stuff. Its a really good idea I think.
    I am even more excited now. There are so many things I could do to the space to make it even more magickal. I could get a wood burning tool and decorate my altar or even make me a new altar table. I could embroider an altar cloth or even paint the table and under the stairs. There are just so many wonderful options. I may even just paint the entire room, after we get the flooding problem fixed of course.  I was thinking of doing it a dark midnight blue and accenting everything in silver and silvery blue. I could do the room in a night sky/Goddess theme. I think this may work really well for my bedroom and altar space.  Especially since I want to do my Kitchen eventually in harvest colors and pumpkins, and have the harvest theme throughout the house. Most of this will have to wait until Daniel and I finally get a home of our own.

Questions and Answers

     Well today was one of those days were I just thought to much. At least I did when I wasn't to busy goofing off. I caught myself questioning my faith again for like the millionth time in history. I always seem to have problems sticking to my beliefs. Its not that I don't believe in what I am trying (poorly) to follow. I just can't seem to make that connection to divinity that I use to have, back when I was a Christian. But alas I can not return to Christianity. Long ago I tried and failed. It felt like I was lying to myself and denying who I am inside. Regardless of all this I found myself looking back at Christianity and longing for that connection I once had. I even caught myself wondering if I converted to Catholicism or Gnosticism if I would find it again. I was seriously considering turning my back on all I truly believe to see if I could just find that spark again. And here is where I found myself, on my way to make a post about it. Right before I started my post I decided to check the blogs I am following and unbelievably there was a post on one similar to what I have been going thru.
     After I finished reading said blog I found the answer I was looking for. I realized how far I have drifted from what I once was and how much I have neglected my faith. I have been a horrible pagan, no wonder I haven't felt that spark in such a long time. At this point I realize exactly what I am missing and what I need to do. One of my problems stems from not having a working altar, which I am going to fix tonight. I also need to consecrate my tools and cleanse the area. I also plan to begin doing a daily devotion. I use to do this when I was a christian so it should help me get back in the groove of things. I once again feel that warmth I have always had toward my beliefs. That feeling of love, pride, and so much more. I feel joy again toward it all and I am really excited to get started. I also plan on spending more time out in nature since Autumn is upon us, and I can go out without burning to a crisp.
     I feel like everything is going to be alright and that I am on the right path again. It feels like it did the day I decided to follow paganism and my heart. Somethings need to stay in the past, like me and Christianity. That is certainly a path I do not wish to tread again and I need to realize that. I have severed ties with all that and it needs to stay where it belongs. I once hid myself in that religion. I hid from heartache and the unknown instead of meeting it head on and healing. I am a stronger person now and no longer need to hide. I shall meet the unknown head on and on my own terms. Also if anyone is wondering that wonderful blog that helped me is http://priestessoflight.blogspot.com/.

Back to my old self again.

 Well today is the last day of July and I still am not really prepared for Lughnasadh. It think its mostly nerves, but I still need to purchase a few items for the ritual and for the ritual bread. Not to mention the ale. So much to do so little time. Also I have gotten back into reading fanfictions and manga again. Oh how I love to read <3, especially fics about vampires. Right now my favorite manga is Vampire Knight. In the last few days I have re-read the entire series and re-watched the anime. Trust me the manga is much better than the anime, but the anime is good too. Oh I also re-established my adultfanfition.net account and my fanfiction.net account. So many things have changed on both sites but its ok....I'm back.
  As for the school stuff and the job, well they both fell thru so I am still sitting here looking for work with all kinds of time on my hands. Though I have no money and no where to go. Life is just peachy. I hate how my plans always seem to fall thru right at the end, especially about school. Thats ok though I have new plans and dreams froming as we speak. I just found out from my roomie thast Wallace State Community College has Cullinary classes. I love to cook and could bascally live in the kitchen just about anywhere. I may even be able to pay for the classes with the Pale Grant and I know I can get a student loan for Wallace State. However Wallace State is in the next city and I don't have a way of going right now, but that doesn't change that I can find the classes I want there. Plus there is always next year or the year after.
    There are all kinds of things I could do with a Cullinary degree. I could work in any kind of caffeteria or go into nutrition. Though I will definitely have to lose weight if I do the nutrition thing. Oh and thinking about food and manga makes me want Ramune, and to go to Kami Con. I was reading about it and it sounds AWESOME! There are going to be a few voice actors there that I am going to see if I can get to sign the VK gear that I plan to get either before or at the con. It excites me greatly and if I can't do it this coming year there is always next year or the year after, and when we FINALLY move to Massachusetts there is an awesome con in Boston. Great things are and will come to pass. It will just take a little while longer on some things and I can be happy just as I am.

What to do?

   Well today I went and got the audit stuff taken care of for school only to find out that I now have to write a letter of appeal to the financial aid committee. The kicker is that I only have a week to do it. However I did finally hear back from the Arc. I have a job interview with them tomorrow and I am going to do my best to get the position.
    In the end working is going to be the best decision. I knew in the beginning that I was going to have to work anyway. They probably wouldn't even get around to my appeal letter in time. I only have until August first. It had me really worried earlier today, well until the Arc called. Now I have a few choices available. One, I can write the letter (which I have mostly finished already) and pray to the Gods that It gets processed in time. Two, I can just work on getting the job. Or... Three, I can do both and see what happens. I may not get the job, but I am going to do my best to secure it. Also, my appeal letter may not make it thru the system in time and I may have to wait until next year for all this college stuff. My vote is option three.
    If I do everything in my power to get this stuff done and approved for everything I may still not get anything accomplished. It has happened to me before. I just hope that good things are headed our way. Its almost Lughnasadh and I still have to finish planning for the ritual on top of everything else. I'm tired of things not working out and us having trouble with our finances. Our car is a rolling disaster as well and there is no way that we are going to be able to afford a new one with me out of work. Dear Goddess please let everything work out for the best, even if that means me putting college on the back burner. Maybe this will be for the best since I'm still not 110 percent sure that I truly want to be a LPN. I know its a job I can enjoy and would be good at, but still I have my dream of owning my own shop or working in a small bakery again.
      If I had the choice between nursing school and cooking school I would choose cooking without batting an eyelash. I love to be in the kitchen and cooking anyway. Its always been my safe haven in my home. The place I spend the most time at, where the family altar is (and my personal will be one day), and where I am the most comfortable in my home. I have always thought of myself as learning to be a Kitchen Witch and one day I will transcend from learning to being. Its just going to take some more time. Anyway, I'm a kitchen person and maybe I should look for a career where that is where I can stay. Preferably in a bakery or small deli kind of setting.

Waiting...

     Well I pre-registered for classes and found out I had to do this audit thingy. It took one week for the paperwork to get here so now I can finish registering for classes. I'm not completely happy with what my advisor put me in either. I have Art Appreciation, Biology, Psy- Human Growth and Development, and English. I don't want to take Art.... I am not an artsy person. If it was like arts and crafts then hell yea, but I don't want to write papers about artist that I don't give a rats ass about. I want to take music instead and I am going to see if I can. I don't care if they have to move my classes around.
     Also I finally turned my application in for the Arc. I just need to call and harass them now. I know several people who work there and that my actually help me get a job. On the other hand there is always Burger King and the other fast food restaurants that I can apply at cause I really need a job. Anyway thats been about it lately. Nothing much going on in my life except trying to get all this school stuff done and waiting, I hate waiting.

Just Can't Wait.

   Well tomorrow is the first day that I can register for classes. I am so looking forward to it. I love this part of going to school. The newness of everything and the fact I get and excuse to buy stationary, its a weakness of mine. I just love stationary supplies. Pens, paper, markers, notebooks.... I just can't seem to have enough. And of course it gives me another excuse to spruse up the old Book O' Shadows. It definitely needs some work. I would also like to get a chance to scrapbook too, or even do a coven scrapbook. Now there is a good idea. Hell any scrapbook of my would be very gothic and pagan anyway, with heavy earth and fire tones. Like everything else in my life.
    Oh and I can't forget to mention the new love in my life....Hazelnut coffee. OH...MY...GODDESS! The only thing that I think could top this at this moment would be if they had pumpkin spice coffee. Though the Pumpkin Spice Tea is right up there with the Hazelnut coffee for me. Oh and Jiff just started making this wonderful Chocolate-Hazelnut spread... its simply wicked. But I can't have to much of it, just a dab on whole wheat toast for breakfast. I'm still on a diet, though I'm not doing to well on it.
     As far as I'm concerned this diet blows. I don't seem to be losing any weight though I have changed my eating habits to healthier and less sugary things. Though I don't think it is really the diet that is my problem but my lack of mobility. I really have to start exercising again. I think in the morning I will start a tai-bo regime and see where that gets me. I refuse to fight with the spiders to walk up and down the driveway in the mornings.Though after I start college I can just walk the walking trail at Gamble Park, or maybe even bicycle it. I really just need to sit down and do a spell to lose weight as well. There is nothing like a bit of divine help when you are changing your lifestyle.

Wow, things have changed.

      I was on the Magick City Pagans Forum earlier and realized how none of that really matters to me anymore. I have really changed in the last few years. I use to haunt the forum, talking to the other participants and learning what I could about all the different ways the craft is used. It varies so much from person to person, its just incredible.
     But none of that really matters to me anymore. All it does is remind me of what I should be working on, my own craft. I have so many ideas and truly so much I should be doing. I just keep putting it all off though. Oh, I can do this later. Blah, blah, blah! I need to get up off my toosh and finish what I start. I need to stop worrying about finding a job and school going right and do something about it. There is plenty of spell work I could be doing and I just need to get up and do it. I need to work on my Book of Shadows horribly bad. I need to be finishing writing my notes on my runes and working on that rune meditation.
     Maybe its I feel this way because today is one of those foggy, rainy days that I love. I can't wait until I finally get up north and everyday is like this for a season. I would be so happy to deal with this weather daily. And some day I will. I have a goal to get thru college and get a good job so that I will one day be able to afford to live in New England, I want to live near Boston. Honestly I would like to live near or in Salem, Massachusetts. I know its the Halloween capital of the world and thats fine, I love Halloween. And I don't have to be in the boonies to do magick. I work just fine with a small backyard or in doors. Hell I'm not a very woodsy pagan anyway so I can deal with city life. In all honesty I don't care where I live as long as I am happy. I know what I want and maybe, just maybe I will meet my goals.

First things First

   So I have been rearranging my room for some time now. Little by little I have moved things around since my brother moved out. I still have a lot of work ahead of me because i have to build a small closet and seal the walls from leaking. I live in the basement so its not such a big deal that it leaks when the water table gets high, except that my stuff tends to get wet and my brother ruined a lot of stuff of mine.
   Anyway after we drylock the basement again I want to paint it a nice shade of burnt orange and do the trim in a nice chocolate brown, about the same shade as my husbands eyes. After I get that closet finished and everything painted I can put clothing where it goes and move my chairs around to where I have a good sitting area. And then of course there are the windows that we are going to unboard, clean, and seal with silicone. I will need to get a good set of curtains and a good curtain rod. Also there is my altar... I am not sure where to put it. I guess I will just have to see where is free after all the renovating. Its a lot to do to, but it needs done. I want my mini home to look good. I need to go thru all my stuff and reorganize everything anyway.
      I also need to finish a lot of projects and get rid of unneeded and unwanted junk. I want to get some command strips and hang pictures. I need to make Daniel a nice photo album for all his pics that we just don't have anywhere for them to go. I hate to say it but I really don't want to hang a bunch of photos of people we don't like up or people I don't know in my home. I hope he understands, maybe he will. Things are going to work out and look good. Its just going to take time like usual. But first things first, I need to build that closet so I can put clothes up. I don't know how long it will be before we are able to seal the basement, but getting the stuff for the closet won't cost much.
     Until then there are always other things I can do. For instance I can clean out my junk, I can work on my BOS, I can make myself a temporary altar, and I can probably go ahead and clean and seal the windows too.I have some curtains that will work for now. And letting some light into the basement won't be such a bad thing. It will help me get my sleeping schedule back in order since I wont be able to sleep during the day with all that light coming in. And I won't get my days and nights confused with having windows. I can clean my little outdoor area and make it look good out there. I can work on my sewing and crocheting and a million other projects that I have put on the back burner. Hell before I know it Fall will be here and cooler days right behind it. And I will be busy, busy, busy, this fall between school, Sabbats, hopefully work, and holiday stuff. Maybe I should get to work, since there really is so much to do.

Busy, busy, busy....

      Dear Goddess, I have been busy lately. Between planning for our annual Lughnasadh ritual, planning for college, trying to find insurance, and trying to find a job I haven't really had much time to think of anything else. And it shows with me dreaming about rituals and working and things going wrong. I dearly hope that I do this well, its my first ritual after all. Well the first one I have planned and participated with other people.  I have been to other rituals of course and done my own thing by myself, which is mostly add libbed.
      I have a good feeling about all this though. Between me and the coven we seem to have put together a rather nice ritual. Well its mostly me a Kitten doing the planning but that is ok, that is normal. Only a few more weeks to go and so much to do. We just figured out where we are going to do the ritual and what to use as the altar.  Now just to prepare the area for the ritual and gather all the supplies, which thankfully won't cost much. And lets not forget the feast, which will be awesome. Kitten is talking about cooking some kind of squash and I am planning on baking some bread and possibly doing a fruit and frozen yogurt thing for dessert. I hope everyone enjoys this, we have definitely put a lot of work into it all.

So this is the beginning

Well this is the first of hopefully many posts. My life isn't very interesting but sometimes I need to rant and let everything out. Especially with how everything is changing. I am going back to college in the next few weeks, looking for a job that will work with my school schedual, and trying to fix my life. Its a lot to do and I am just at the beginning of it all. I am also taking over the ritual planning and coordination for the coven I am in. We are an ecclectic group that gather together as a coven for Sabbats but so far not the esbats. I hope to bring more structure to our group. So mote it be.