Blue Moon and more

   Well, Happy Blue Moon to everyone. I am so excited about the blue moon that I believe I will spend a part of my night reveling in it. That is if the clouds clear and I can get out in the moon light.  I have also been spending a good bit of my time studying and going thru my books as of late. I have been doing quite a bit of research on devotions and the like. I have also been working on my ritual items and tools. And I am in the middle of sewing my altar cloth. I am so happy that I have finally been able to get around to all this and I am enjoying it greatly. I have even come across some music that is going to be lovely for rituals and meditation. I just have to tweak it a bit or rather get help to tweak it.
   It has been quite a few days since my last post and I have begun working full time as a Nanny again. I love the job and its fun to do. I also still have plenty of time to do my research while working since my charge is only about 4 months old. She is precious too. I will have to upload some pics of my Ella Bella. Anyway all is well and I have been much happier since all this started and I got back on the right path. Yay for me, finally things are going in the right direction again. It also doesn't hurt that its officially fall and my favorite time of the year.

Busy like the Bee...

  I have been rather busy as of late. I have become the nanny for my roommate Wendi's daughter Ella. I have also been trying to finish fixing my bedroom and setting up my altar. Which is honestly harder than it sounds considering I have to finish building the closet and so many other things. Caring for Ella is honestly the easiest part of my day, at least when she is feeling well. She is currently teething and has also figured out how to pseudo-crawl. So I spend my time trying to keep her from getting hurt or getting carpet burn.
  I have also begun sewing and beading again. This is a fun pastime that I enjoy with my adopted sister Barbara. She however will always be much better than me at both of these things. I'm doing well though and I'm enjoying myself. I can also do these things while caring for Ella. I am currently in the middle of stitching what will be my altar cloth. I also have several craft oriented jewelry and beading ideas that I am soon going to try out. Not to mention the wind chime I have been wanting to make and the other crafts I have started but lacked the money to finish. I am so excited about getting paid. Now I am finally going to be able to finish so many things. Not to mention helping Daniel pay for somethings.

Surprise, Surprise....

    You know it never fails to surprise me at how many problems I come across daily, or how little things can get so easily in my way. Last night when I went to erect my altar I ran into a few problems. One, I have no idea where to put it. You see my room is rather crowded with my (and my husbands) stuff. Two, my room floods when it rains and the water table in high enough. I currently live in the basement of my friends house. Its not so bad considering I have learned to not leave anything important near the floor or flooding areas. But alas where should I put my altar. I want it where I will have easy access to it and my husband won't accidentally mess with it.
    I have a few ideas of where I could put in but a few of them would require me to rearrange my room. I sure my loving husband would be against that though. I have made him help me rearrange it a few times already. And one of the places will be out of the question once I get the stuff to build the closet we desperately need. In the end I believe I will put my altar where I originally wanted it, under the stairway. I just need to move a few things and set it up where it won't be bothered. There is enough room that I can have my candles under there and if I hang mirrors on the underside of the stairway it will reflect the light. I can even hang pictures and stuff. Its a really good idea I think.
    I am even more excited now. There are so many things I could do to the space to make it even more magickal. I could get a wood burning tool and decorate my altar or even make me a new altar table. I could embroider an altar cloth or even paint the table and under the stairs. There are just so many wonderful options. I may even just paint the entire room, after we get the flooding problem fixed of course.  I was thinking of doing it a dark midnight blue and accenting everything in silver and silvery blue. I could do the room in a night sky/Goddess theme. I think this may work really well for my bedroom and altar space.  Especially since I want to do my Kitchen eventually in harvest colors and pumpkins, and have the harvest theme throughout the house. Most of this will have to wait until Daniel and I finally get a home of our own.

Questions and Answers

     Well today was one of those days were I just thought to much. At least I did when I wasn't to busy goofing off. I caught myself questioning my faith again for like the millionth time in history. I always seem to have problems sticking to my beliefs. Its not that I don't believe in what I am trying (poorly) to follow. I just can't seem to make that connection to divinity that I use to have, back when I was a Christian. But alas I can not return to Christianity. Long ago I tried and failed. It felt like I was lying to myself and denying who I am inside. Regardless of all this I found myself looking back at Christianity and longing for that connection I once had. I even caught myself wondering if I converted to Catholicism or Gnosticism if I would find it again. I was seriously considering turning my back on all I truly believe to see if I could just find that spark again. And here is where I found myself, on my way to make a post about it. Right before I started my post I decided to check the blogs I am following and unbelievably there was a post on one similar to what I have been going thru.
     After I finished reading said blog I found the answer I was looking for. I realized how far I have drifted from what I once was and how much I have neglected my faith. I have been a horrible pagan, no wonder I haven't felt that spark in such a long time. At this point I realize exactly what I am missing and what I need to do. One of my problems stems from not having a working altar, which I am going to fix tonight. I also need to consecrate my tools and cleanse the area. I also plan to begin doing a daily devotion. I use to do this when I was a christian so it should help me get back in the groove of things. I once again feel that warmth I have always had toward my beliefs. That feeling of love, pride, and so much more. I feel joy again toward it all and I am really excited to get started. I also plan on spending more time out in nature since Autumn is upon us, and I can go out without burning to a crisp.
     I feel like everything is going to be alright and that I am on the right path again. It feels like it did the day I decided to follow paganism and my heart. Somethings need to stay in the past, like me and Christianity. That is certainly a path I do not wish to tread again and I need to realize that. I have severed ties with all that and it needs to stay where it belongs. I once hid myself in that religion. I hid from heartache and the unknown instead of meeting it head on and healing. I am a stronger person now and no longer need to hide. I shall meet the unknown head on and on my own terms. Also if anyone is wondering that wonderful blog that helped me is http://priestessoflight.blogspot.com/.