Back to my old self again.

 Well today is the last day of July and I still am not really prepared for Lughnasadh. It think its mostly nerves, but I still need to purchase a few items for the ritual and for the ritual bread. Not to mention the ale. So much to do so little time. Also I have gotten back into reading fanfictions and manga again. Oh how I love to read <3, especially fics about vampires. Right now my favorite manga is Vampire Knight. In the last few days I have re-read the entire series and re-watched the anime. Trust me the manga is much better than the anime, but the anime is good too. Oh I also re-established my adultfanfition.net account and my fanfiction.net account. So many things have changed on both sites but its ok....I'm back.
  As for the school stuff and the job, well they both fell thru so I am still sitting here looking for work with all kinds of time on my hands. Though I have no money and no where to go. Life is just peachy. I hate how my plans always seem to fall thru right at the end, especially about school. Thats ok though I have new plans and dreams froming as we speak. I just found out from my roomie thast Wallace State Community College has Cullinary classes. I love to cook and could bascally live in the kitchen just about anywhere. I may even be able to pay for the classes with the Pale Grant and I know I can get a student loan for Wallace State. However Wallace State is in the next city and I don't have a way of going right now, but that doesn't change that I can find the classes I want there. Plus there is always next year or the year after.
    There are all kinds of things I could do with a Cullinary degree. I could work in any kind of caffeteria or go into nutrition. Though I will definitely have to lose weight if I do the nutrition thing. Oh and thinking about food and manga makes me want Ramune, and to go to Kami Con. I was reading about it and it sounds AWESOME! There are going to be a few voice actors there that I am going to see if I can get to sign the VK gear that I plan to get either before or at the con. It excites me greatly and if I can't do it this coming year there is always next year or the year after, and when we FINALLY move to Massachusetts there is an awesome con in Boston. Great things are and will come to pass. It will just take a little while longer on some things and I can be happy just as I am.

What to do?

   Well today I went and got the audit stuff taken care of for school only to find out that I now have to write a letter of appeal to the financial aid committee. The kicker is that I only have a week to do it. However I did finally hear back from the Arc. I have a job interview with them tomorrow and I am going to do my best to get the position.
    In the end working is going to be the best decision. I knew in the beginning that I was going to have to work anyway. They probably wouldn't even get around to my appeal letter in time. I only have until August first. It had me really worried earlier today, well until the Arc called. Now I have a few choices available. One, I can write the letter (which I have mostly finished already) and pray to the Gods that It gets processed in time. Two, I can just work on getting the job. Or... Three, I can do both and see what happens. I may not get the job, but I am going to do my best to secure it. Also, my appeal letter may not make it thru the system in time and I may have to wait until next year for all this college stuff. My vote is option three.
    If I do everything in my power to get this stuff done and approved for everything I may still not get anything accomplished. It has happened to me before. I just hope that good things are headed our way. Its almost Lughnasadh and I still have to finish planning for the ritual on top of everything else. I'm tired of things not working out and us having trouble with our finances. Our car is a rolling disaster as well and there is no way that we are going to be able to afford a new one with me out of work. Dear Goddess please let everything work out for the best, even if that means me putting college on the back burner. Maybe this will be for the best since I'm still not 110 percent sure that I truly want to be a LPN. I know its a job I can enjoy and would be good at, but still I have my dream of owning my own shop or working in a small bakery again.
      If I had the choice between nursing school and cooking school I would choose cooking without batting an eyelash. I love to be in the kitchen and cooking anyway. Its always been my safe haven in my home. The place I spend the most time at, where the family altar is (and my personal will be one day), and where I am the most comfortable in my home. I have always thought of myself as learning to be a Kitchen Witch and one day I will transcend from learning to being. Its just going to take some more time. Anyway, I'm a kitchen person and maybe I should look for a career where that is where I can stay. Preferably in a bakery or small deli kind of setting.

Waiting...

     Well I pre-registered for classes and found out I had to do this audit thingy. It took one week for the paperwork to get here so now I can finish registering for classes. I'm not completely happy with what my advisor put me in either. I have Art Appreciation, Biology, Psy- Human Growth and Development, and English. I don't want to take Art.... I am not an artsy person. If it was like arts and crafts then hell yea, but I don't want to write papers about artist that I don't give a rats ass about. I want to take music instead and I am going to see if I can. I don't care if they have to move my classes around.
     Also I finally turned my application in for the Arc. I just need to call and harass them now. I know several people who work there and that my actually help me get a job. On the other hand there is always Burger King and the other fast food restaurants that I can apply at cause I really need a job. Anyway thats been about it lately. Nothing much going on in my life except trying to get all this school stuff done and waiting, I hate waiting.

Just Can't Wait.

   Well tomorrow is the first day that I can register for classes. I am so looking forward to it. I love this part of going to school. The newness of everything and the fact I get and excuse to buy stationary, its a weakness of mine. I just love stationary supplies. Pens, paper, markers, notebooks.... I just can't seem to have enough. And of course it gives me another excuse to spruse up the old Book O' Shadows. It definitely needs some work. I would also like to get a chance to scrapbook too, or even do a coven scrapbook. Now there is a good idea. Hell any scrapbook of my would be very gothic and pagan anyway, with heavy earth and fire tones. Like everything else in my life.
    Oh and I can't forget to mention the new love in my life....Hazelnut coffee. OH...MY...GODDESS! The only thing that I think could top this at this moment would be if they had pumpkin spice coffee. Though the Pumpkin Spice Tea is right up there with the Hazelnut coffee for me. Oh and Jiff just started making this wonderful Chocolate-Hazelnut spread... its simply wicked. But I can't have to much of it, just a dab on whole wheat toast for breakfast. I'm still on a diet, though I'm not doing to well on it.
     As far as I'm concerned this diet blows. I don't seem to be losing any weight though I have changed my eating habits to healthier and less sugary things. Though I don't think it is really the diet that is my problem but my lack of mobility. I really have to start exercising again. I think in the morning I will start a tai-bo regime and see where that gets me. I refuse to fight with the spiders to walk up and down the driveway in the mornings.Though after I start college I can just walk the walking trail at Gamble Park, or maybe even bicycle it. I really just need to sit down and do a spell to lose weight as well. There is nothing like a bit of divine help when you are changing your lifestyle.

Wow, things have changed.

      I was on the Magick City Pagans Forum earlier and realized how none of that really matters to me anymore. I have really changed in the last few years. I use to haunt the forum, talking to the other participants and learning what I could about all the different ways the craft is used. It varies so much from person to person, its just incredible.
     But none of that really matters to me anymore. All it does is remind me of what I should be working on, my own craft. I have so many ideas and truly so much I should be doing. I just keep putting it all off though. Oh, I can do this later. Blah, blah, blah! I need to get up off my toosh and finish what I start. I need to stop worrying about finding a job and school going right and do something about it. There is plenty of spell work I could be doing and I just need to get up and do it. I need to work on my Book of Shadows horribly bad. I need to be finishing writing my notes on my runes and working on that rune meditation.
     Maybe its I feel this way because today is one of those foggy, rainy days that I love. I can't wait until I finally get up north and everyday is like this for a season. I would be so happy to deal with this weather daily. And some day I will. I have a goal to get thru college and get a good job so that I will one day be able to afford to live in New England, I want to live near Boston. Honestly I would like to live near or in Salem, Massachusetts. I know its the Halloween capital of the world and thats fine, I love Halloween. And I don't have to be in the boonies to do magick. I work just fine with a small backyard or in doors. Hell I'm not a very woodsy pagan anyway so I can deal with city life. In all honesty I don't care where I live as long as I am happy. I know what I want and maybe, just maybe I will meet my goals.

First things First

   So I have been rearranging my room for some time now. Little by little I have moved things around since my brother moved out. I still have a lot of work ahead of me because i have to build a small closet and seal the walls from leaking. I live in the basement so its not such a big deal that it leaks when the water table gets high, except that my stuff tends to get wet and my brother ruined a lot of stuff of mine.
   Anyway after we drylock the basement again I want to paint it a nice shade of burnt orange and do the trim in a nice chocolate brown, about the same shade as my husbands eyes. After I get that closet finished and everything painted I can put clothing where it goes and move my chairs around to where I have a good sitting area. And then of course there are the windows that we are going to unboard, clean, and seal with silicone. I will need to get a good set of curtains and a good curtain rod. Also there is my altar... I am not sure where to put it. I guess I will just have to see where is free after all the renovating. Its a lot to do to, but it needs done. I want my mini home to look good. I need to go thru all my stuff and reorganize everything anyway.
      I also need to finish a lot of projects and get rid of unneeded and unwanted junk. I want to get some command strips and hang pictures. I need to make Daniel a nice photo album for all his pics that we just don't have anywhere for them to go. I hate to say it but I really don't want to hang a bunch of photos of people we don't like up or people I don't know in my home. I hope he understands, maybe he will. Things are going to work out and look good. Its just going to take time like usual. But first things first, I need to build that closet so I can put clothes up. I don't know how long it will be before we are able to seal the basement, but getting the stuff for the closet won't cost much.
     Until then there are always other things I can do. For instance I can clean out my junk, I can work on my BOS, I can make myself a temporary altar, and I can probably go ahead and clean and seal the windows too.I have some curtains that will work for now. And letting some light into the basement won't be such a bad thing. It will help me get my sleeping schedule back in order since I wont be able to sleep during the day with all that light coming in. And I won't get my days and nights confused with having windows. I can clean my little outdoor area and make it look good out there. I can work on my sewing and crocheting and a million other projects that I have put on the back burner. Hell before I know it Fall will be here and cooler days right behind it. And I will be busy, busy, busy, this fall between school, Sabbats, hopefully work, and holiday stuff. Maybe I should get to work, since there really is so much to do.

Busy, busy, busy....

      Dear Goddess, I have been busy lately. Between planning for our annual Lughnasadh ritual, planning for college, trying to find insurance, and trying to find a job I haven't really had much time to think of anything else. And it shows with me dreaming about rituals and working and things going wrong. I dearly hope that I do this well, its my first ritual after all. Well the first one I have planned and participated with other people.  I have been to other rituals of course and done my own thing by myself, which is mostly add libbed.
      I have a good feeling about all this though. Between me and the coven we seem to have put together a rather nice ritual. Well its mostly me a Kitten doing the planning but that is ok, that is normal. Only a few more weeks to go and so much to do. We just figured out where we are going to do the ritual and what to use as the altar.  Now just to prepare the area for the ritual and gather all the supplies, which thankfully won't cost much. And lets not forget the feast, which will be awesome. Kitten is talking about cooking some kind of squash and I am planning on baking some bread and possibly doing a fruit and frozen yogurt thing for dessert. I hope everyone enjoys this, we have definitely put a lot of work into it all.

So this is the beginning

Well this is the first of hopefully many posts. My life isn't very interesting but sometimes I need to rant and let everything out. Especially with how everything is changing. I am going back to college in the next few weeks, looking for a job that will work with my school schedual, and trying to fix my life. Its a lot to do and I am just at the beginning of it all. I am also taking over the ritual planning and coordination for the coven I am in. We are an ecclectic group that gather together as a coven for Sabbats but so far not the esbats. I hope to bring more structure to our group. So mote it be.