Blue Moon and more

   Well, Happy Blue Moon to everyone. I am so excited about the blue moon that I believe I will spend a part of my night reveling in it. That is if the clouds clear and I can get out in the moon light.  I have also been spending a good bit of my time studying and going thru my books as of late. I have been doing quite a bit of research on devotions and the like. I have also been working on my ritual items and tools. And I am in the middle of sewing my altar cloth. I am so happy that I have finally been able to get around to all this and I am enjoying it greatly. I have even come across some music that is going to be lovely for rituals and meditation. I just have to tweak it a bit or rather get help to tweak it.
   It has been quite a few days since my last post and I have begun working full time as a Nanny again. I love the job and its fun to do. I also still have plenty of time to do my research while working since my charge is only about 4 months old. She is precious too. I will have to upload some pics of my Ella Bella. Anyway all is well and I have been much happier since all this started and I got back on the right path. Yay for me, finally things are going in the right direction again. It also doesn't hurt that its officially fall and my favorite time of the year.

Busy like the Bee...

  I have been rather busy as of late. I have become the nanny for my roommate Wendi's daughter Ella. I have also been trying to finish fixing my bedroom and setting up my altar. Which is honestly harder than it sounds considering I have to finish building the closet and so many other things. Caring for Ella is honestly the easiest part of my day, at least when she is feeling well. She is currently teething and has also figured out how to pseudo-crawl. So I spend my time trying to keep her from getting hurt or getting carpet burn.
  I have also begun sewing and beading again. This is a fun pastime that I enjoy with my adopted sister Barbara. She however will always be much better than me at both of these things. I'm doing well though and I'm enjoying myself. I can also do these things while caring for Ella. I am currently in the middle of stitching what will be my altar cloth. I also have several craft oriented jewelry and beading ideas that I am soon going to try out. Not to mention the wind chime I have been wanting to make and the other crafts I have started but lacked the money to finish. I am so excited about getting paid. Now I am finally going to be able to finish so many things. Not to mention helping Daniel pay for somethings.

Surprise, Surprise....

    You know it never fails to surprise me at how many problems I come across daily, or how little things can get so easily in my way. Last night when I went to erect my altar I ran into a few problems. One, I have no idea where to put it. You see my room is rather crowded with my (and my husbands) stuff. Two, my room floods when it rains and the water table in high enough. I currently live in the basement of my friends house. Its not so bad considering I have learned to not leave anything important near the floor or flooding areas. But alas where should I put my altar. I want it where I will have easy access to it and my husband won't accidentally mess with it.
    I have a few ideas of where I could put in but a few of them would require me to rearrange my room. I sure my loving husband would be against that though. I have made him help me rearrange it a few times already. And one of the places will be out of the question once I get the stuff to build the closet we desperately need. In the end I believe I will put my altar where I originally wanted it, under the stairway. I just need to move a few things and set it up where it won't be bothered. There is enough room that I can have my candles under there and if I hang mirrors on the underside of the stairway it will reflect the light. I can even hang pictures and stuff. Its a really good idea I think.
    I am even more excited now. There are so many things I could do to the space to make it even more magickal. I could get a wood burning tool and decorate my altar or even make me a new altar table. I could embroider an altar cloth or even paint the table and under the stairs. There are just so many wonderful options. I may even just paint the entire room, after we get the flooding problem fixed of course.  I was thinking of doing it a dark midnight blue and accenting everything in silver and silvery blue. I could do the room in a night sky/Goddess theme. I think this may work really well for my bedroom and altar space.  Especially since I want to do my Kitchen eventually in harvest colors and pumpkins, and have the harvest theme throughout the house. Most of this will have to wait until Daniel and I finally get a home of our own.

Questions and Answers

     Well today was one of those days were I just thought to much. At least I did when I wasn't to busy goofing off. I caught myself questioning my faith again for like the millionth time in history. I always seem to have problems sticking to my beliefs. Its not that I don't believe in what I am trying (poorly) to follow. I just can't seem to make that connection to divinity that I use to have, back when I was a Christian. But alas I can not return to Christianity. Long ago I tried and failed. It felt like I was lying to myself and denying who I am inside. Regardless of all this I found myself looking back at Christianity and longing for that connection I once had. I even caught myself wondering if I converted to Catholicism or Gnosticism if I would find it again. I was seriously considering turning my back on all I truly believe to see if I could just find that spark again. And here is where I found myself, on my way to make a post about it. Right before I started my post I decided to check the blogs I am following and unbelievably there was a post on one similar to what I have been going thru.
     After I finished reading said blog I found the answer I was looking for. I realized how far I have drifted from what I once was and how much I have neglected my faith. I have been a horrible pagan, no wonder I haven't felt that spark in such a long time. At this point I realize exactly what I am missing and what I need to do. One of my problems stems from not having a working altar, which I am going to fix tonight. I also need to consecrate my tools and cleanse the area. I also plan to begin doing a daily devotion. I use to do this when I was a christian so it should help me get back in the groove of things. I once again feel that warmth I have always had toward my beliefs. That feeling of love, pride, and so much more. I feel joy again toward it all and I am really excited to get started. I also plan on spending more time out in nature since Autumn is upon us, and I can go out without burning to a crisp.
     I feel like everything is going to be alright and that I am on the right path again. It feels like it did the day I decided to follow paganism and my heart. Somethings need to stay in the past, like me and Christianity. That is certainly a path I do not wish to tread again and I need to realize that. I have severed ties with all that and it needs to stay where it belongs. I once hid myself in that religion. I hid from heartache and the unknown instead of meeting it head on and healing. I am a stronger person now and no longer need to hide. I shall meet the unknown head on and on my own terms. Also if anyone is wondering that wonderful blog that helped me is http://priestessoflight.blogspot.com/.

Back to my old self again.

 Well today is the last day of July and I still am not really prepared for Lughnasadh. It think its mostly nerves, but I still need to purchase a few items for the ritual and for the ritual bread. Not to mention the ale. So much to do so little time. Also I have gotten back into reading fanfictions and manga again. Oh how I love to read <3, especially fics about vampires. Right now my favorite manga is Vampire Knight. In the last few days I have re-read the entire series and re-watched the anime. Trust me the manga is much better than the anime, but the anime is good too. Oh I also re-established my adultfanfition.net account and my fanfiction.net account. So many things have changed on both sites but its ok....I'm back.
  As for the school stuff and the job, well they both fell thru so I am still sitting here looking for work with all kinds of time on my hands. Though I have no money and no where to go. Life is just peachy. I hate how my plans always seem to fall thru right at the end, especially about school. Thats ok though I have new plans and dreams froming as we speak. I just found out from my roomie thast Wallace State Community College has Cullinary classes. I love to cook and could bascally live in the kitchen just about anywhere. I may even be able to pay for the classes with the Pale Grant and I know I can get a student loan for Wallace State. However Wallace State is in the next city and I don't have a way of going right now, but that doesn't change that I can find the classes I want there. Plus there is always next year or the year after.
    There are all kinds of things I could do with a Cullinary degree. I could work in any kind of caffeteria or go into nutrition. Though I will definitely have to lose weight if I do the nutrition thing. Oh and thinking about food and manga makes me want Ramune, and to go to Kami Con. I was reading about it and it sounds AWESOME! There are going to be a few voice actors there that I am going to see if I can get to sign the VK gear that I plan to get either before or at the con. It excites me greatly and if I can't do it this coming year there is always next year or the year after, and when we FINALLY move to Massachusetts there is an awesome con in Boston. Great things are and will come to pass. It will just take a little while longer on some things and I can be happy just as I am.

What to do?

   Well today I went and got the audit stuff taken care of for school only to find out that I now have to write a letter of appeal to the financial aid committee. The kicker is that I only have a week to do it. However I did finally hear back from the Arc. I have a job interview with them tomorrow and I am going to do my best to get the position.
    In the end working is going to be the best decision. I knew in the beginning that I was going to have to work anyway. They probably wouldn't even get around to my appeal letter in time. I only have until August first. It had me really worried earlier today, well until the Arc called. Now I have a few choices available. One, I can write the letter (which I have mostly finished already) and pray to the Gods that It gets processed in time. Two, I can just work on getting the job. Or... Three, I can do both and see what happens. I may not get the job, but I am going to do my best to secure it. Also, my appeal letter may not make it thru the system in time and I may have to wait until next year for all this college stuff. My vote is option three.
    If I do everything in my power to get this stuff done and approved for everything I may still not get anything accomplished. It has happened to me before. I just hope that good things are headed our way. Its almost Lughnasadh and I still have to finish planning for the ritual on top of everything else. I'm tired of things not working out and us having trouble with our finances. Our car is a rolling disaster as well and there is no way that we are going to be able to afford a new one with me out of work. Dear Goddess please let everything work out for the best, even if that means me putting college on the back burner. Maybe this will be for the best since I'm still not 110 percent sure that I truly want to be a LPN. I know its a job I can enjoy and would be good at, but still I have my dream of owning my own shop or working in a small bakery again.
      If I had the choice between nursing school and cooking school I would choose cooking without batting an eyelash. I love to be in the kitchen and cooking anyway. Its always been my safe haven in my home. The place I spend the most time at, where the family altar is (and my personal will be one day), and where I am the most comfortable in my home. I have always thought of myself as learning to be a Kitchen Witch and one day I will transcend from learning to being. Its just going to take some more time. Anyway, I'm a kitchen person and maybe I should look for a career where that is where I can stay. Preferably in a bakery or small deli kind of setting.

Waiting...

     Well I pre-registered for classes and found out I had to do this audit thingy. It took one week for the paperwork to get here so now I can finish registering for classes. I'm not completely happy with what my advisor put me in either. I have Art Appreciation, Biology, Psy- Human Growth and Development, and English. I don't want to take Art.... I am not an artsy person. If it was like arts and crafts then hell yea, but I don't want to write papers about artist that I don't give a rats ass about. I want to take music instead and I am going to see if I can. I don't care if they have to move my classes around.
     Also I finally turned my application in for the Arc. I just need to call and harass them now. I know several people who work there and that my actually help me get a job. On the other hand there is always Burger King and the other fast food restaurants that I can apply at cause I really need a job. Anyway thats been about it lately. Nothing much going on in my life except trying to get all this school stuff done and waiting, I hate waiting.